chopoffyourhead | Inbox for duplicity

chopoffyourhead

Username: rosehearts

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From:

eelusive

If they stay or go, that’s not up to you either. You can’t be trusting everyone and expecting the best outta them, Goldfishie! Anyone can turn on you when you’re not expecting it. Even me!

[But Floyd’s words taste bitter as soon as he says them and he cuts himself off with a hand pressed over his face.]

… What the hell am I doing telling you this and that though? That’s just telling you what to do anyway.

[Smearing his hand down his face, Floyd mumbles and keeps his back turned. Of course. Of course. It was so obvious. How is he only figuring it out now? The problem isn’t anyone else.

It’s just–]

… I keep forgetting I’m not a person like the rest of you.

From:

chopoffyourhead

[The outburst has both his eyebrows coming up in surprise. He watches Floyd's back, trying to figure out what's bothering him so much...

When he says that.]

Not a person? What do you mean?

From:

eelusive

Well… I’m a moray.

[He shrugs and flops onto his back again, arms spread out to his sides while he stares at Riddle upside down.]

I think and do everything different from a person.

From:

chopoffyourhead

But you're merfolk.

[He stares down at him quizzically.]

Merfolk are still people.

From:

eelusive

Goldfishiiiie that’s not how it wooorks.

[Floyd grumps and huffs and lifts his arms before flopping them back down on the bed.]

We’re merfolk. That’s not a human or a land dweller. That’s merfolk! Like– Ok. Think of it this way.

[Unable to sit still, Floyd rolls over onto his stomach.]

Y’know how I like to bite you when we fuck? That’s not a people thing!

From:

chopoffyourhead

I have a feeling your definition of "people" might be lacking.

[Floyd, pls.]

But yes. I'm a human and you're a merperson.

And that... bothers you?

From:

eelusive

It’s not that.

[He folds his arms and rests his chin atop them while he stares at the bedsheets.]

… Azul says my “mind and emotions don’t operate the same as most others.” He says I can see and understand things someone else can’t.

[Sighing, he starts drawing random shapes and lines with his finger. Floyd’s moods change as frequently as the tides. It’s simpler for him to be on the move, to let those emotions run their course without stopping to ask why they happened. Explaining himself, researching or proving his solutions– He hates it. Every last bit of it.

But ever since he’s been here where he has no choice but to cooperate and entangle himself with others for extended periods of time, emotions are at an all time high… and Floyd isn’t used to processing them this quickly. He isn’t used to empathy. He isn’t used used to consent or consideration or calling people in the middle of the night because his mind is racing faster than a swordfish.

To Floyd, such unique experiences can only be distinctly, unmistakably human… and that’s exactly what he’s not.

He continues to doodle invisible nonsense as he speaks.]

Azul says I’m valuable ‘cause of all that… and that’s what bothers me. ‘cause when I’m on land in this form, I don’t feel valuable at all. I just feel like I’m doing everything wrong.

From:

chopoffyourhead

[...oh.

It's no news that Floyd had been struggling for some time now. He seemed confused, frustrated, agitated. Like he had all this energy inside him but no outlet to direct it.

He wonders if that's part of the problem. He is, after all, a predator. Large reserves of energy are a necessity for survival.

Slowly, Riddle lies down next to him, folding his arms underneath his head as he looks at Floyd.]

Like what?

From:

eelusive

[He doesn’t look at Riddle when he settles beside him, but he does carefully, very carefully, trace a line toward Riddle’s arm, and pauses just before they touch.]

… D’you know what the Mermaid Princess came on land for?

[Floyd does, but he wants to know what Riddle knows.]

From:

chopoffyourhead

[Riddle watches the arm, but doesn't make a move for it.]

If I recall correctly, it was a man she wanted to learn more about. One she saved from a shipwreck during a storm.

From:

eelusive

[Floyd keeps waiting, keeps staring at Riddle’s arm and his hand and his cheeks and everywhere but his eyes–those adorable, dollish eyes…]

Yeah. She gave up her fins and her voice for some guy she didn’t even know ‘cause she loved him and all… but that boot camp she set up? The one me ‘n Jade and Azul went to? They don’t teach you ‘bout that.

[Another pause. He almost touches Riddle… almost. But still hesitates.]

They just teach you how to hold forks and use your feet…

[And then he pokes him. Softly. Just ever-so softly.]

They don’t teach you how to navigate loving humans. … Or other stuff.

From:

chopoffyourhead

[When he's poked, he finally shifts his one hand to lightly brush their fingers together. There's a widening of his eyes at the words that follow, and he suddenly feels his heart pick up a bit.

If Floyd will let him, he'll rest the tips of his fingers over Floyd's.]

... do you... have some humans you're... developing those kinds of feelings for?

From:

eelusive

[Suddenly he feels like he shouldn’t move, like he’ll mess something up if he does. But with his pulse hammering between his ears, Floyd stares at Riddle’s hand and slides his own to fill the spaces between their fingers.]

I dunno… Like I said, I feel like I’m doing things wrong all the time, so–

[Floyd stops just short of intertwining their fingers completely. He shouldn’t love people. Too much love leaves more chances for being torn apart. But… this is so strangely fascinating. Putting names to his feelings, scoping them out, trying to make them make sense– Floyd’s never cared about getting things right the first time or even being the best of the best at everything he tries, yet something about this moment makes him want to try harder than he’s ever tried before to be good.]

… What’s it supposed to feel like?

From:

chopoffyourhead

[Riddle just slightly flexes his fingers, snugly fitting them against Floyd's.

...ah.]

I'm not really the person to ask. I barely know what love, platonic or romantic, looks like, much less... how it's supposed to feel.

From:

eelusive

Is it ‘cause of your mom?

[In his boundless curiosity, Floyd finally looks up to meet Riddle eye to eye. He still isn’t very tactful about this sort of thing, but at least it doesn’t seem to come from a place of ill intention.

Between Riddle’s fingers, Floyd offers a slight squeeze.]

From:

chopoffyourhead

[His expression suddenly crumples a bit, because that's certainly a large part of it. But hearing it asked so plainly out loud has his stomach dropping out.]

...that's a terrible thing to say, isn't it? That... I felt like she didn't love me.

I can't imagine raising a kid is easy. And she took good care of me— always made sure I was healthy and where I needed to be...

[The more he talks, the more tears well in his eyes. Soon, they start making soft patting sounds as they hit his arms.]

I'm such an ungrateful son.

From:

eelusive

Ah–

[That’s right. The subject of Mrs. Rosehearts is a sensitive one. Floyd doesn’t know everything, but what he does know, he doesn’t particularly like. Still, brand new to sentiment, he isn’t sure how to approach Riddle’s tears with much more than staring at them, at least to start.

Soon enough though, Floyd furrows his brow and scoots closer to tap his forehead to Riddle’s own.]

She also made sure you were sheltered and afraid of anything outside your own room.

[Floyd may not know much about love–so he claims–but he knows about family, and for as much his mother and father spoil their children with material things, they remain fiercely devoted to independence. It speaks to trust. It speaks to their confidence in Floyd’s strength not only as their son, but also as an individual.

He grips Riddle’s hand, a sudden burst of determination coursing through his veins.]

And even if raising you to be the best mage in the entire world was enough, you don’t owe her gratitude. ‘specially if she made you feel like shit.

[Floyd hesitates all of one second before mustering up the courage to swipe away some of those tears from Riddle’s cheek.]

You’re where you need to be ‘cause of you. Nobody else made you head of Heartslabyul or the highest ranking student in all of NRC. Nobody else saved my stupid ass from falling off the roof. If anyone’s deserving of your gratitude, it’s you.

[Defiant,]

You’re smart and strong and you deserve someone who’s gonna love you the way you wanna be. … I dunno what that looks like, but– Whatever it is, you’ll get it.

From:

eelusive

[His gaze lowers. Does any of this make sense? And coming from someone who cheats people out of deals for a living, is any of this even believable?

With a squeeze, Floyd decides to make it clear:]

I mean it.

From:

chopoffyourhead

[Riddle blinks when their foreheads touch together, listening to Floyd's words. They're so passionate and hit so close to home that his shoulders shake a little, and he holds back sobs.

When he finishes, Riddle takes an unsteady breath, then shifts to the side and tucks his face into Floyd's neck. Tears continue to spill freely from his eyes.

He squeezes back tightly, and murmurs:]

Thank you...

[But... he can't quite hold back the sobs anymore, though he tries. With a little hiccup, he says:]

S-sorry, I'm... trying...

Edited Date: 2023-06-05 10:56 pm (UTC)

From:

eelusive

[Where do all these words come from? Floyd swears some days he’s the most eloquent eel in the sea and others he’s dumber than a cluster of barnacles. In any case, he’s just glad he didn’t spout a bunch of stuff Riddle would take offense to.

He’s not expecting to be sobbed into though. People don’t usually trust him with their tears. Still, he’s quick to turn onto his side and coil around Riddle while he cries. Well, that’s one benefit of being so tall; there’s a lot of space to curl up into.]

Uh-oh. Now I got a weepy goldfish. What’m I gonna do?

[he says it as a tease, but it’s gentle and given with a few pacifying strokes through his hair.]

Edited Date: 2023-06-06 01:35 am (UTC)

From:

chopoffyourhead

[Riddle gives a watery little laugh at the gentle tease, sinking further into that comforting body and those tender touches.

The sobbing doesn't last long, at least, and eventually Riddle's quietly nuzzling into Floyd.

He feels... safe. Calm... cared for.]

Edited Date: 2023-06-06 02:50 am (UTC)

From:

eelusive

[How surreal. He was feeling so out of sorts not too long ago and now…]

From:

eelusive

[Next Floyd speaks, there’s no hesitation or fanfare; he simply says it. Because in the midst of all the noises in his head, it’s certainly the loudest one.]

Edited Date: 2023-06-06 03:19 am (UTC)