Inbox for duplicity

[chopoffyourhead]

Username: rosehearts

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[caycay]

[Once they're both sitting, Cater puts an arm around Riddle, pulling him in to his side in a one-armed hug.]

You don't have anything to apologize for. Really.

[He gives him a soft smile. Anything bigger than that would be inappropriate.]

I shouldn't be so careless with the things I say, especially when I don't know what kind of things you've been through. Just focus on breathing, okay? I'm not going anywhere.

[chopoffyourhead]

[Riddle leans into him heavily, trying to regulate his breath. The first part gets a nod...

But the second part doesn't. He does, however, close his eyes and take about a minute to recuperate.

Finally, he shakes his head, looking to Cater.]

No, you... You couldn't have known.

[Riddle hadn't even known.

And then he falls quiet for awhile longer until his heart no longer feels like it's going to burst from his chest.

Then, he looks to Cater, and a hand comes up to gently grab at the fabric on his chest and tug at it, signaling he wants the teen to lower his upper body.]

[caycay]

[Was that the first time that Riddle's ever had a genuine panic attack before? Damn, he really did step in it, didn't he? Not that Cater has much time to dwell on the thought. He's content to be a stabilizing force for Riddle, holding him close, but then he tugs him forward.

Unquestioningly, Cater follows his lead, shifting forward.]

[chopoffyourhead]

[Once Cater is closer, his hands come up to rest on his cheeks again. This time, he also leans forward, resting their foreheads together.

He wonders how far the similarities go. It scares him. Terrifies him, really, to think how much Cater and Idia might be alike. How long has Cater been hiding that, if so? Had Split Card been his only saving grace, something that could keep up the façade when everything became too much?

After a moment, one hand shifts up to gently stroke through the ginger locks.

Finally, softly:]

That's a heavy weight to shoulder... isn't it?

[caycay]

[Oh. This isn't something that Cater was expecting. And...it's nice. After all the ups and downs, he's a little too tired to find the fear in it. Letting out a breath, Cater's eyes close. His shoulders slump.]

I've been carrying it for a long time--I'm used to it.

[It's just his own burden to bear. He accepted that a long time ago.]

Right now I'm just really tired.

[chopoffyourhead]

Yeah... I bet.

[Riddle continues petting him slowly.]

You don't have to hide anymore.

Take it easy, Cater. You're safe to be yourself.

[caycay]

[Cater breathes in again, breathes out. It's such a nice sentiment--it fills him with a surge of appreciation...but also a surge of dread. Even if he did believe it...

It's going to be so hard to lose it all over again. This safe space, this safe person.

Someday, they'll vanish. All of them. Some sooner than others. It could be a lifetime from now, or it could be tomorrow. He'll live each day to its fullest, embrace every moment...and go to bed afraid each night not knowing what losses the morning may bring.

It's only a small blessing knowing that he won't remember any of it when he's back at NRC--that the erasure of all this time will prevent a chasm from opening up inside of him. Because once he's back...there's a whole new clock ticking down the time until the school year ends. A few short months, and these happy few years will all come to an end.

No more schedule. No more dorm life. No more pop music club.

Just himself, facing it all alone.]

Thank you.

[His head slides away from Riddle's forehead so it can fall against his shoulder, instead.]

I'll try.

[These habits have built themselves up into a brick wall guarding his heart over the better part of his life. Just like Riddle strives each day to better himself from the tyrant he had become, Cater will have to brave that journey, as well, step by step. And none of them easy to take.

Maybe he's one of the best people to understand the effort it takes to change.]

[chopoffyourhead]

I couldn't ask for more.

[Riddle shifts just slightly, hand coming up to comb through Cater's hair as he settles there. Eventually, he'll get back up to finish making their meal... but for now, there's no rush.

For now, he's left quietly taking in everything that had happened in the short span of... what was it? Maybe thirty minutes at most?

Dear Cater. Always so upbeat. Always having a smile on for Riddle. It hurts his heart to think so many of those smiles may have been forced. That Cater had been too afraid for rejection or pain or whatever it was to be genuine about his problems.

After a moment, he turns his face, nuzzling into the orange locks. He isn't sure what to do. If there's anything he can do. But he'll strive to understand and be there for Cater.

Maybe, if nothing else... not having to pretend all the time would be a bit less weight off his shoulders.]

[caycay]

[Time drifts to a slow stop as they stay like that, in a sort-of embrace with Riddle's hand in his hair. The exhaustion of the day, of the last several days, of every moment since he came to Duplicity all seems to settle down on him...but it isn't so crushing, not with Riddle helping support some of that heaviness. Still, he wants to sleep, feeling at least halfway soothed and body eager to chase that feeling.

But he can't, not yet, as his stomach lets loose an angry rumble of protest at the idea of going to bed without eating. In the calm silence, it may as well have been a roar.]

...you heard that, didn't you?

[Despite himself, Cater lets out a puff of a laugh.]